They Didn't Know Me Then

I had a revelation a few weeks back that seems to have really changed the way I interact with people in regards to our natural living side.  I realized that the people I know now didn't know me four years ago.  They didn't know me when I could barely walk.  They didn't know me when I was in so much pain that even sitting or lying down was unbearable.  When I was spending thousands of dollars a year on massages to keep me functioning.  When I was having test after test done, only to be told time and time again that it was all in my head.  That I just was doing this for attention.  They didn't know me when I was horribly depressed and struggling to get anything done.  When I had constant suicidal thoughts.  When I cried every day.  When I hated my life.

They didn't know me through any of that.  They didn't know about the desperation of knowing something is wrong and not getting anyone to listen.  Or the fear of never being able to have a normal life.  Or the shock of being told you may end up on disability for the rest of your life.  Or the disgust of being diagnosed with fibromyalgia simply because the doctor wants you to shut up and leave him alone instead of doing his job.  Or the despair of every doctor trying to prescribe you yet another pain med, another antidepressant.

The people I know today only see who I am now: healthy, happy, and loving life again.  And so what do they think?  They think that my husband (who also had health issues in the past) and I are just a couple of nuts.  Just a pair of hippies who converted to this natural living stuff because it's cool or trendy or because we just love being different. 

They can't possibly know that we had no choice.

They don't know how we were abandoned by the medical community because we didn't want to simply cover up our symptoms.  We wanted to discover and solve the problem!  And so we were forced to go outside the mainstream.  And it worked. And we're healthy.  And we thank God for leading us to the solution.  And we especially thank Him for gently leading us there as He knocked down the walls and prejudices we had built up.

The people who just met us can't understand our skepticism toward the medical community.  They can't understand why I would do things the 'hard' way. Or why I research everything on my own instead of just doing what my doctor says is 'proven'.

But one thing they can and should know about us is that we aren't going to change. Not to fit in.  Not to be accepted.  Not to be normal.

Because none of those things will ever be worth my health.

Good Excuses

Okay, so it's been awhile.  I knew this blog thing would never be a major priority for me, but more of a chance to put my thoughts down when I needed to.  But I do have a very good reason for dropping off the face of the planet: morning sickness.  Yep. The wonderful joys of morning sickness for 8 long and brutal weeks.

But it has finally passed and now I can excitedly tell people that yes, we are expecting and I'm not just filling up on cookies during the Holidays.  I mean...I AM filling up on a cookies, but that's not why I suddenly have a huge gut.  This little one will be joining us at the end of May or the beginning of June.  Depends how big of a rush he/she is in.  So currently I'm about 17 weeks along and starting to enjoy the whole pregnant thing.  It really is fun once I'm not feeling nauseous 24/7.  And I'm just starting to feel movement too, which I absolutely love.  It gives me such a sense of security and joy. 

I do have to report that I have noticed a substantial decrease in bad pregnancy symptoms compared to my pregnancy with Little Miss.  My nausea was less and I threw up less.  I didn't get the breast tenderness or as much cramping.  The exhaustion was still there, but I have a good reason for that too:  I'm still breastfeeding Little Miss.  And it's going pretty well.  I thought once the morning sickness hit I would want to wean her, but it was the best thing ever!  1) I'm pretty sure the breastfeeding is what decreased my morning sickness and 2) when you have a toddler who never sits still EXCEPT for when she nurses, you certainly don't want to give up that time.  I would let her nurse as much as she wanted just so we could sit and snuggle when I felt my worst.  It also meant I didn't have to dig through the fridge as often for food for her.  She would tell me when she wanted food, but having breastmilk fill in the calorie gap really took a load off my shoulders.

I really have no idea what the next step is.  I don't have any desire to wean her (although we did wean at night and last week was rough and I DID have definite thoughts of weaning), but we'll just see.  She may wean herself as my milk changes and decreases.  I just don't know.  We are constantly in uncharted territories.

I suppose all parenting is uncharted territories though.  Even if you've done it with one kid, every child is different.  It'll be fun to see who this little one will turn out to be!