As much as I didn't want the trach, I must admit how much I love it now. It has given me my daughter back. Now that she's not struggling for every. single. breath. she is starting to act like a regular 6 week old. She's starting to smile and even gave a big smile to her big sister before her surgeries on Monday. Those surgeries went well. Her fundoplication went smoothly and the surgeon was able to do it laparoscopically so she just has a few small incisions. Her feeding tube is also in place and they're going to start pedialyte tomorrow and hopefully breastmilk after that.
I still hate the thought of the fundo, but I firmly believe it was our only option. And the best option. Now we can start weaning off the fortification added to my breastmilk (we couldn't increase volume for the necessary calories to heal for fear that she would aspirate). But now her volumes can go up and we can get that junk out. I'm not sure we would have been comfortable taking her home either, thinking she was going to aspirate all the time.
So now I think we might be in the home stretch. She needs to heal up from her surgeries yesterday and we'll see how she does with the feeding tube. Her trach is still healing as well, but the surgeon is happy with her progress. Then the hubby and I need to learn how to take care of everything. I'm already getting fairly comfortable with all the suctioning that needs to be done, but am definitely nervous about having to change the trach out. Cuts give me the heebie jeebies, so a hole in my child's throat is definitely going to make my stomach do some serious flip flops. But I'll get used to it. Lots of parents do. I just want her home. I want her to be in our life. No matter how different life will be from what we expected, I still want it to go on. Life has just been on hold while we've spent the last 6 weeks commuting an hour to spend a few hours with her. I'm anxious to wake up in the morning and have her there in the room. And get to snuggle her whenever I want. Man, that's gonna be nice. *sigh*