Beyond a Year

I never started out to breastfeed my daughter beyond a year.  My mom breastfed me and my sisters to a year and anything beyond that sounded ridiculous to me.  Even gross.  I could not wrap my head around why ANYONE would want to breastfeed past a year.  I wasn't even sure how someone could justify it.

But then we went through colic.  And I began breastfeeding on demand.  And we decided to do child-led solids which meant Little Miss wasn't getting many calories from eating regular food.  I read somewhere that a child's diet should be 80% breastmilk at a year.  80%!  How could I possibly wean my child off of 80% of her diet?  So as a year approached, I realized that neither of us were ready to wean.  I had been responding to her needs for the past year, and I couldn't imagine suddenly saying no to those needs.

Now many people say, well, you must not have struggled.  And in many ways, you're right.  I didn't struggle as much as other people, but we definitely had struggles.  We had the nurses in the hospital doing everything possible to sabotage my breastfeeding.  We had major difficulties with a good latch because of said nurses.  I suspect now that the colic was because I had an oversupply which caused her to get only fore milk which upset her stomach.  She didn't sleep through the night until 10 1/2 months.  She got her first 2 teeth rather early and bit me.  Hard.  Multiple times.  We went from 2 to 8 teeth in 2 weeks and spent the next 2-3 months trying to figure out better positions and getting a good latch.  I got mastitis a few times.  I had cuts in my nipples from her adjusting to her teeth.  She still nurses at least 8 times a day, but for short amounts of time. She's currently getting molars and has slept through the night twice in the last 2 months. And I'm sure we'll have more struggles.

But ya know what?  It's been worth it.  I love that she is getting the food that is designed for her.  I love when she kicks and smiles because she is that excited to nurse.  I love when she decides that nursing while standing on one leg would be fun to do.  I love when she has to stop to point out my belly button for me.  I love when she has to stop to point out her belly button for me.  I love how she has to investigate my mouth and teeth while nursing.  I love when she decides to give me a raspberry and giggles!  I love when she snuggles up next to me at night and falls asleep nursing.

I never thought I would love nursing a toddler.  I plain never thought it was even a possibility for me.  I have no idea how long we'll nurse.  Hopefully to 2 years, at least.  She doesn't show any signs of stopping now, which gives me hope that we'll reach that goal, but who knows?

I suppose I'll just have to let her take the lead.  Just like she's been doing for the past 16 months. 

Procrastination as a Style

Hi.  My name is Megan and I'm a procrastinator.

I'm actually procrastinating right now. Yep, this very moment.  I should be cleaning for an appraisal of our house tomorrow, but instead I'm writing a blog post on procrastinating.  Amazing how the guilt doesn't push me back to cleaning, huh?

A little background:  in school I would never do the homework until the day before it was due.  Sometimes the day of.  And studying for a test never occurred too far in advance either.  I used to feel horribly guilty about it.  I would beat myself up and hate myself every time I was down to the last minute again.  I'm stunned looking back at the amount of self-loathing that occurred because I didn't get things done ahead of time.

After a particular rant against myself and my procrastinating ways, my counselor asked me one day if my grades were suffering because of my procrastinating.  Well...no.  In fact, I was a straight A student.  He suggested that maybe this was just my style:  I merely needed that extra motivation and pressure to get things done.  I was still getting things done, done well, and on time, so why was I beating myself up that a certain project wasn't done days or weeks in advance?

Talk about a light bulb moment.

You have no idea how freeing this was!  Suddenly the guilt was gone.  I wasn't a lazy bum.  I wasn't a slacker.  I just had a different style to accomplishing things.  This realization even allowed me to work on things ahead of time, knowing that I didn't have to finish it right then.  I could just do the prep work for that last push at the last minute.  

So yes, I'm a procrastinator.  And I'm not trying to change.

On Being Thankful for Colic

Before our daughter was born, my husband and I tried very hard to keep from drifting into the "parenting is going to be ALWAYS wonderful" land.  We did our best to remember that there would be sleepless nights and rough times.  But nothing could prepare us for our daughter.  She screamed.  A lot.  She cried.  A lot.  She refused to sleep.  She demanded to be bounced 24/7.  The first four months of her life are still a tear-filled blur.  Now, I'm not saying we didn't have amazing times with her.  We didn't want to give her back and we loved her more than we thought was possible.  But it was rough.  Rah-ah-ah-heally rough.

At first, we tried to get her to sleep in her own bed.  That's what good parents do, right?  But she ended up in bed with me every night.  She demanded to be held constantly so I looked into babywearing.  She would actually sleep when I had her in the wrap.  *bliss*  At first I tried to nurse on a schedule, but she was always hungry and nursing seemed to be one the few things that calmed her.  I started nursing on demand.

I did everything that "good" parents are supposed to do in our day and age and it just plain didn't work.  And ya know what?  I'm so very very glad.  I'm glad that our daughter forced us onto a different parenting style.  Co-sleeping.  Babywearing.  Nursing on demand.  Nursing beyond a year.  Our high need daughter led us down a path we never expected to take and I'm grateful.  God definitely knew the kind of child we needed first: one that would shock us into parenthood.  Shock us into doing things we never thought we would.  Shock us into turning away from mainstream parenthood.  Shock us into a way of parenting that we resisted and now love.

As hard as those colicky days and nights were, I'm so thankful for them.

But I still hope that our next one is a better sleeper.