Thursday, January 13, 2011

They Didn't Know Me Then

I had a revelation a few weeks back that seems to have really changed the way I interact with people in regards to our natural living side.  I realized that the people I know now didn't know me four years ago.  They didn't know me when I could barely walk.  They didn't know me when I was in so much pain that even sitting or lying down was unbearable.  When I was spending thousands of dollars a year on massages to keep me functioning.  When I was having test after test done, only to be told time and time again that it was all in my head.  That I just was doing this for attention.  They didn't know me when I was horribly depressed and struggling to get anything done.  When I had constant suicidal thoughts.  When I cried every day.  When I hated my life.

They didn't know me through any of that.  They didn't know about the desperation of knowing something is wrong and not getting anyone to listen.  Or the fear of never being able to have a normal life.  Or the shock of being told you may end up on disability for the rest of your life.  Or the disgust of being diagnosed with fibromyalgia simply because the doctor wants you to shut up and leave him alone instead of doing his job.  Or the despair of every doctor trying to prescribe you yet another pain med, another antidepressant.

The people I know today only see who I am now: healthy, happy, and loving life again.  And so what do they think?  They think that my husband (who also had health issues in the past) and I are just a couple of nuts.  Just a pair of hippies who converted to this natural living stuff because it's cool or trendy or because we just love being different. 

They can't possibly know that we had no choice.

They don't know how we were abandoned by the medical community because we didn't want to simply cover up our symptoms.  We wanted to discover and solve the problem!  And so we were forced to go outside the mainstream.  And it worked. And we're healthy.  And we thank God for leading us to the solution.  And we especially thank Him for gently leading us there as He knocked down the walls and prejudices we had built up.

The people who just met us can't understand our skepticism toward the medical community.  They can't understand why I would do things the 'hard' way. Or why I research everything on my own instead of just doing what my doctor says is 'proven'.

But one thing they can and should know about us is that we aren't going to change. Not to fit in.  Not to be accepted.  Not to be normal.

Because none of those things will ever be worth my health.

No comments: